Dumb South Carolina Laws

Charleston, SC 

I don't know if these are actually true or not since I found them on a joke page but they very well may be! Besides, I am out of town and trying to entertain you with filler :) 

Dumb South Carolina Laws

It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide.

Every adult male must bring a rifle to church on Sunday in order to ward off Indian attacks.

It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.

When approaching a four way or blind intersection in a non-horse driven vehicle you must stop 100 ft from the intersection and discharge a firearm into the air to warn horse traffic.

It is illegal to sell any alcoholic beverages on Sunday, unless you own a private club. (Repealed November 2000)

Horses may not be kept in bathtubs.

It is considered an offense to get a tattoo.

Performing a U-turn within 1,000 feet of an intersection is illegal.

Musical instruments may not be sold on Sunday.

No work may be done on Sunday.

An exception to the above law is that light bulbs may be sold.

All schools must prepare a suitable program for Francis Willard Day.

Dance halls may not operate on Sundays.

Merchandise may not be sold within a half mile of a church unless fruit is being sold.

Fortune tellers are required to obtain a special permit from the state.

A railroad my not remove itself from a town of more than five hundred people.

Railroad companies may be held liable in some instances for scaring horses.

By law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place.

It is illegal to communicate with a woman using obscene messages.

It is illegal to display a confederate flag on a courthouse.

Good old Charleston:

Charleston, SC 

I found an old Reddit board with a few Charleston jokes. This was one of them: 

How many South of Broad residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

15. One to screw in the light bulb and 14 to sit around and talk about how great the old one was.

Patriotic Hospitality

Pineapple welcome, Charleston, SC  

I was reading back through past blog entries recently and noticed that I used to post a lot more jokes. It's hard to come up with new good jokes but some of them were pretty funny. One of my sources was a blogging buddy who went by the name of Old Horsetail Snake. Great name, eh?!

If I remember the story Old Horsetail Snake was in his late 70's turning 80 and as he described it he was rescued from his retirement home by his sweetheart he named "Scamp". He was such a treat that I clicked old links and amazingly although he passed away in 2009, his blog still exists with joke after joke and little snippets of his life. Leaving a long trails of smiles isn't a bad legacy. Go visit if you need a smile! Old Horsetail Snake.

The Washington Post has asked its readers for their pet peeves (good or bad): 
Total strangers telling me what to do, especially square-dancer callers.
When a woman stands near me and people think her ugly baby is mine, and it is.
Big conceited bodies of water, especially Lake Superior.
I've been all over the world and have lived among every kind of culture and I can say, without any hesitation, that the most ignorant, rude, selfish and self-centered people on Earth are babies.

Funny Hahah

Smile! Charleston, S.C.

I don't do much on Google + but I check in once and a while to see what is going on and always get a laugh from the one liners by Jonco Stl.  He always seems to come up with one I haven't heard before and cracks me up. Here are a few of his recent ones. If you are on Google+, I'd add him to your circles for a daily smile.


I'm convinced the new girl I'm seeing is a transvestite.
I can feel it.

My doctor just said, "Nobody has ever died from a migraine."
So I killed him..

I thought I saw a guy wearing camouflage.
I didn't.

My girlfriend wanted me to buy her a Siamese cat.
My buddy told me that they are really expensive, so I bought 2 normal cats and glued their heads together.

Just been down the hospital to pick up an X-Ray.
He's called "Rachel" now.

I don't know why I even bother having a smartphone.
It spends so much time on the charger, you might as well call it a landline.

Laser eye surgery, what a waste of money. Two weeks and not a single laser fired from either of my eyes.

I've just finished writing a book called "How to delegate."
Well, actually my wife wrote it.
But it was me who told her to.

My wife left me because of my habit of excessive lying.
She didn't leave me.

I finally managed to sell all my old super hero comics...
I feel marvel less.

I'm being taken to court for plagiarism.
But it's just his word against my word...
which he claims is his word.

I hate condescending people.
But, I wouldn't expect you to understand.

Church Photo in Lieu of Attendance

Jesus Feeds His People

This week's Church Photo in Lieu of Attendance is on a small roadside building close to Lake Marion.

Do not drop clothing donations on their porch but I expect they might accept food. Meanwhile, here is a cute religion related joke for you:

 Religious Light Bulb Jokes  

How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway.
How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.
How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb? CHANGE?!!!
How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb? 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness.
How many tv evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.
How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? None: Candles only.
How many Amish does it take to change a lightbulb? What's a light bulb?
How many Polygamous Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light!
How many Unitarians does it take to change a lightbulb? We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Ya gotta say "Surprise!"

College of Charleston, Charleston, S.C.

This walk through the College of Charleston campus is one of my regular shortcuts. Not too shabby, eh?!

Speaking of college students, here is a quick funny from the Hallmark Cards Shoebox blog:

Things you shouldn't say as an Intern. By the Hallmark Interns:

• “I’m not really ‘into’ the 8-hour workday.”


• “You started here in 1990? That’s, like, when I was born!”


• “I get your job when this ends, right?”


• “I found the best place to nap yesterday!”


• “It’s not sexual harassment if you say ‘surprise!’”


• “You’re doing it wrong.”


• “You’re cute. Do you have a daughter who’s closer to my age?”

Saturday Night Funny

King St., Charleston, S.C.

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled.

"Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."

"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over, the country!"

"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"

"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

Joke snitched from Misscellania who always has the funniest stuff.

You might be a Faith Blogger if......

Anson St., Charleston, S.C.

Faith bloggers seem to be one of the fastest growing group of bloggers. I've posted this before but I still get a kick out of this list of clues that you might be a Faith Blogger.

You might be a faith blogger if…

* if you sit in the back row of the church because that's where the wifi signal is the strongest
* if your sermons allow both comments and trackbacks
* if you tithe through a widget
* if you think committing the original sin is getting tempted by the latest Apple
* if you pray that God will allow you to upload your photo to the Lamb’s Book of Life
* if your prayers are less than 140 characters because that's all Twitter allows
* if you ever wonder why the domain of Satan doesn’t have its own URL
* if you think Jesus’ command to Peter to “Feed my sheep” was to allow RSS syndication
* if you think streams in the desert is a blog from Las Vegas

. . . then you just might be a faith-blogger!

Musicals that didn't Fly

King St., Charleston, S.C.

This is one of my favorite buildings on upper King St. Love the blue! Completely unrelated to that, I am here to share a link from the Shoebox Blog. They always makes me smile.

Broadway Musicals that Didn't Fly

- Annie Get Your Nails Done

- The Sound of Mucus

- Body Hair

- Milli Vanilli’s “Tommy”

- Brigadoomsday

- Guys and Inflatable Dolls

- Hello, Dali!

- Dead Swan Lake, The Bird Mystery

- Blagojaviched!

- The Miracle Worker

- Airport Pat-down, A Love Story

A Love Afair with Your Camera

Palmetto Roses, Charleston, S.C.

I've had a post ready the last two nights and nodded off with my laptop. Zzzzz.

My fried Charlotte sent me a link to B & H Photo's: Seven Ways You Know You Have a Love Affair With Your Camera. some of them and the added comments are pretty funny:

• One of your social-networking profile pictures is of you with your camera. In said photo, you tag the camera as "My Precious."


• When you don't have your camera on you, people always ask, "Where is your camera?" as if you had a terrible tragedy happen to you as of late. Because of this, you are usually the photographer amongst friends and family.


• You get nightmares about a terrible accident happening to your camera.


• Your wardrobe choice is determined partially by how you'll be able to carry your camera: whether it is with a strap around your chest, stored in a coat pocket, or in a stylish camera bag.


• On really cold days you keep it in the bag when you are indoors so that it'll stay warmer longer when you go outside and on really sunny days you put polarizers on it like sun glasses. You keep the cover off the lens as much as possible, because it wants to see the world also!


• You worry more about your camera getting cold, wet, and dirty than you do about yourself.


• You buy your camera presents, extra batteries, accessories, etc...

Tie up your horse and come on in.......

Charleston, S.C.

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. The locals had a habit of picking on newcomers and by the time he finished, he discovered his horse had been stolen.

He came back into the bar, flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled.

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"

Church Photo in Lieu of Attendance

Holy Trinity Episcopal Church, Bull St., Charleston, S.C.

Late but I squeezed a church photo in on Sunday. Here is your bonus funny:

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."

"Good morning, Pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?"

"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Alex's voice was barely audible, trembling with fear, when he asked, "Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?"

Monday Funny

Spring St., Charleston, S.C.

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too!"

How hot is it?

Hayne St. Charleston, S.C.

How hot is it in Charleston?

• It's so hot that it makes me want to take off my skin and sit in my bones.

• It's so hot the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

• It's so hot I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

• It was so hot today I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.

• It's hotter than a June bride in a feather bed.

• It's so hot that the trees are creeping around looking for shade.

• It's so hot outside it will make you return things you never stole.

• It's stupid hot!

• It is hot enough to cure tobacco.

• It's hotter than the devil's underwear.

• It's another one of those aluminum foil sweater days.

• It's hotter than a ginger mill in Hades.

....and it's all true.

Sunday Funny

Vanderhorst St., Charleston, S.C.

This house has recently been bought and is being renovated. The new orange color should wake up the neighborhood!

Sunday funny: It's been awhile since I snitched a joke from Miss Cellania but this one made me laugh:

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your Mom!" she said.

"I did," he said, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

Footprints in the Pavement

Charleston, S.C.

No elephant prints but I found an elephant footprint joke:

Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Beetle?
A: Four. Two in the front, two in the back.

Q: How can you tell if there's an elephant in the fridge?
A: There's footprints in the butter.

Q: How can you tell if there's two elephants in the fridge?
A: There's two sets of footprints in the butter, and food keeps disappearing.

Q: How can you tell if there's three elephants in the fridge?
A: You find it difficult to close the door.

Q: How can you tell if there's four elephants in the fridge?
A: There's a VW Beetle in the driveway.

Ho, ho, ho.....

Church Photo in Lieu of Attendance - Johns Island Presbyterian

Johns Island Presbyterian, Johns Island, S.C.

Your Church Photo in Lieu of Attendance this morning is the historic Johns Island Presbyterian Church established in 1710. I passed by last night when it was almost too dark and will need to go back to explore the old cemetery in better light.

Here is your bonus joke:

A Fine Sermon: A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"

The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity."

The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!"

The preacher said, "No sh*t!"
___________

I hope everyone is having a good weekend. Thank you all for your kind comments and emails. I am trying to catch up a bit this morning (paying bills - blah) and postponing my walk to time it with the Blue Angel's show.

Thursday Funny

King St., Charleston, S.C.

This beautiful blue brick makes me happy every time I pass it on King St.

Here is your Thursday funny:

During a recent password audit at our company, it was found that a blonde receptionist was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Wednesday Funny

Coming St., Charleston, S.C.

Starting my day a little late since I begin with meetings in town. Just enough time to share a naughty funny from Misscellania. Heheh.

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home, reminiscing.

The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers, and demonstrated with her hands the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, then demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

Then the third old lady chipped in with: "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."

Sunday Funny

King St., Charleston, S.C.

From the Ten Best Bicycle Jokes: Pig! Pig!

The other day on a ride, I was speeding down a narrow, twisting, mountain road. Then along comes a woman who was driving very slowly uphill toward me, honking her horn and shouting at me.

"PIG! PIG!!" she yelled. "PIG! PIG!!"

So I flipped her the finger and shouted back some things I dare not repeat as I buzzed by her.

Still thinking about this awful woman and her shouting, I turned the corner and promptly collided with a pig.