Amos Tire Center, Round O, S.C.
Why didn't anyone tell me these things when I moved here?
For Northerners Moving South
In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
5 comments:
This list would have come in handy 20 years ago : )
yes, would have been nice to know all of this before I came down here :)
Haha! Too many of them are too close to true ;)
I sent this along to my mama, who lives in North Carolina (but who moved to New York to raise her chillens).
There should be a whole other instructional for Southerners who move North. It might include:
You'll be surprised to find that you don't have to buy an entire pizza at one time. Welcome to "slices".
If you run your car off in a ditch, better hope you have a cell phone and the number of AAA.
Overalls are not considered a complete outfit.
Lawn art does not include decaying motor vehicles or household appliances.
If you leave your car running outside a convenience store, it will not be there when you get back. Even if you leave your family in it.
If you can't understand the cashiers at the convenience store, it's not because you are Southern.
When standing at the counter of any business, do not discuss your personal life with the teller. Life moves fast up here, and the next person in line might be reloading.
Grocery shopping may take you a lot longer than it did when you lived Down South. You will have to pick through all the South Beach Diet and Fat Free items to find the lard.
I've lived in the south for so long I forgot some of those!
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