13 July 2009

FUNNY, but NO.


Rutledge Ave., Charleston, S.C.

Photo unrelated to content. You know that by now.

FUNNY, but NO.

Only about 20% of what gets turned in gets accepted and becomes a Shoebox card. Here, are some of my favorites from the 80% that didn't make it:

Motherhood often requires kissing a few boo-boos.

And every now and then, having to divorce one of them.
Happy Mother’s Day!
_______________

Thanks, Mom, for having “the talk” with me.

Turns out I like sex quite a bit.
________________

Dad, thanks to you, I’m not a stripper.

Thanks to your ankles, specifically.
“Too thick to strip” is tough to hear, but it’s true.
Happy Father’s Day!
________________

Thanks for not being the kind of dad who answered the door
in your underwear.

And especially not in mom’s underwear.
Happy Father’s Day!
_________________

Maybe it’ll cheer you up to imagine you’re a cowgirl and one night
around the campfire, you take off your hat and your hair falls
and the cowboys realize you’re gorgeous and they love you.

Or maybe that just works for me.
_________________

Would you take it as a huge compliment if I got your face
tattooed on my shoulder blade?

If not, call me right now! NOW! So…much…blood…
_________________

How do I love thee?

Well, awkwardly at times, to be honest.
_________________

You’re 21! There’s nothing holding you back now!

Except prison.
_________________

Babies are so beautiful…

After they wipe them off.
Congratulations!
_________________

If you get home from your birthday celebration to discover your underwear jammed full of singles,

it’s best not to try to remember how.

And just drop the credit cards in a nearby mailbox. There’s like a law where they have to return them to the people.

__________________

Something for every occasion!