14 July 2017

How hot is it?

Charleston, SC    
Our annual "How Hot is it?" entry:
With a heat index of 106, it's already so hot in South Carolina that...
* A seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
* When the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
* It's so hot outside it will make you return things you never stole.
* It's hotter than a steel playground at noon.
* You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
* The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
* Hot water now comes out of both taps.
* You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
* You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
• It's so hot the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
• It's so hot I saw two trees fighting over a dog.
* It is so hot even the sea breeze feels like a hair dryer...
• It was so hot today I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.
• It's hotter than a June bride in a feather bed.
• It's so hot that the trees are creeping around looking for shade.
• It's stupid hot!
• It is hot enough to cure tobacco.
• It's hotter than the devil's underwear.
• It's another one of those aluminum foil sweater days.

* It's so hot you could spit fire. But, please don't.